Childhood Lessons

I had this thought in a moment of peace and decided to share it with you.

In our childhood we are taught important life lessons, the ones we use to avoid huge mistakes in our lives. Lessons that if remembered and referred to on a daily basis keep us safe when our parents aren't around.

Simple idioms like "look both way before you cross the street" are very common lessons folks still use as adults. It's the big one's that got me thinking though. No lesson in particular brought this up, but just as an example of the kind of eye opening lesson I'm referring to, here's one I was taught: "Tears aren't shameful, they're brave." Which means to me that crying isn't something to be ashamed of, it's something to admire. The ability to cry and willingly admit that you have emotions, and that they need to be released is a sign of bravery.

It's a little funny though... just how these life changing lessons work. In my memory it seems that I understood them most at a very young age. My parents and grandparents taught them to me, and I understood the very nature of the lesson. Sometimes I even understood just how it was going to work. In our above example I could say that as a child I knew that the lesson was meant to free me from guilt or shame whenever I needed to let out a few tears. It was also a double edged sword in that when I saw others crying I would not look down on them, but instead I might even respect them. This could lead to me being a comfort for them and maybe making a new friend. Such a great lesson for such a young age when the bonds between children is only starting to form.

When I reached my early teen years I can say I truly felt the lessons. Being much closer to my emotions and feeling like my figurative puppy-dog eyes had finally opened, I was really beginning to understand the lesson at a deeper level. I had lost the thought that I actually "knew" what the lesson meant. It became blurry I could say... but I felt it stronger than ever. Returning to our example again I would admit that crying no longer meant that I was releasing the emotions I had always associated with it. I learned that you also cry when you're really happy, or really mad. Seeing others cry meant they were brave to be seen crying, because it was such an embarrassing thing. Although it no longer led me to many friendships.

In my later teen years I finally experienced the lessons. It wasn't just a saying now, it was real life. Those lessons my parents taught to me were no longer in place to protect me while they were away, but they served to keep my head above water while the rushing current of high school hormones and drama tried to sweep me in every which way. In many ways the lesson might have even backfired. It became my personal lesson and I no longer saw it outwardly or understood it's purpose for being there, but followed it like a compass to keep me on course. When I cried, I was brave for doing so, but I also did so alone so no one could see. When anyone else cried, it was a shame. The faces they made, the sounds that involuntary hiccuped from their throat, it was all a bit sad to see, so I would try not to watch. Just step aside and let them be in their own world.

Now I'm barely an adult. The life lessons seem to mean nothing to me any more. I think to myself "I'm a man now, I know how to take of myself." I see it all around me too. It looks as though all of us children have grown up, and now we don't even remember the lessons at all. I have to admit I even had trouble coming up with one for this example. Now a days I don't feel very brave when I cry. I thought I would understand the lesson more, but it's just sort of slipped away.

So, what I wanted to share is that Life lessons actually work backwards. As a child I always thought that everyone older than me came closer and closer to understanding this lesson that I so badly wanted to. Now I see that as a child, without all the experience, I understood the lesson more clearly than anything else. As a teen I felt the lesson, but I also learned other fields of thought. As a young adult I truly experienced the lesson, but lost the whole truth about it. Now it's seems I've forgotten it altogether. If a child version of myself came up to me today and asked me what "this" life lesson truly meant, I would ask little me to explain what he thought it meant. That way I can finally find out the answer for myself.

I predict that this isn't over however, just like life isn't over yet. Someday I imagine I'll be making up life lessons to watch over my little one. Which means that at some point, at some level, I'm gonna have to understand them myself.